So I got up kind of early-ish, made a cup of tea and sat in bed. Just got changed out of my pjs and am ready to go on a jog. I was all up for it when I just woke up and now I'm like ugh. But I'll do it :)
Weighed myself, one pound lighter :) yay!
Feels horrible not to be eating, but at this stage I don't feel hungry just kind of a straining pain on my stomach. I don't have any real diet plan because I can't keep to those. I'd rather just not eat. I feel sick even at the thought of food! Hmmm.. :)
Could not sleep last night. Kept on thinking about food! And how skinny I'm going to be by the time my boyfriend comes home. Lets calculate how much I might lose in three months:
So on the 1st, three days ago, I was 137lbs. 3 days later I am 129lbs. Ok, i know I'm not going to keep losing weight at that rate but lets just say I lose on average 4 pounds a week. (I might be out of my depth here, but fuck it) 12 weeks in 3 months. 4x12=48? I'm bad at maths. yeah 48.
Ok, thats like what? 3 stone.
K, that's not going to happen haha. Hopefully about a stone and a half-two stone. I'm aiming to lose a stone anyway.
So, I'm gonna go for a jog, hopefully for about an hour (prob not knowing me) and relax when I get home. Maybe do another Davina Workout (Cardio Box, SO GOOD!!)
Then going to A's house tonight. She'll be collecting me at half three. so that's grand. Might eat something small before I go to hers, or maybe just have something small in hers so it looks like I'm eating. I am spending all night there so I will have to eat something.
My iPod is finally charged haha and I'm ready to excersice :)
Friday, June 4, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
hmm.. bored
I got up this morning at six o clock to go with my boyfriend to the airport. I was sad on the way but then I was ok. We said bye, barely even a goodbye, never even told him I loved him, but yeah and he went into departures. :( Happened kind of fast butI didn't cry :) I was worried about crying the whole way back in the car with his Da ha, but I was grand.
It's always kind of auqward with his Da. My boyfriends Ma died when a few years ago so, i don't know, there's a lot of tension around his Da and his Da's wife.
Anyway, I came home and made a cup of tea and had a smoke. Sat in bed and watched iCarly haha, yes I know, but it's actually kind of funny! Something wrong with my stomach though, it's like acid or something, I don't know.
I fell asleep and woke up at like, three o clock, I don't know how i slept so long but i did. I weighed myself and I'm already 5 pounds lighter :)
Last night I went out to my boyfriend and his mate and we drove around. I'm always scared in the car with him because he actually drives sooo fast. Plus, he was stoned as well. And so I got stoned. I never really do anything like that (me and my boyfriend have had countless number of fights because he smokes so much weed) but because it was his last night, I decided to let it go and join him in on his stoner buzz ha. Wasn't that great, don't see the whole point in it, but anyway.
Went home, on the munchies, pretty stoned at this point to be honest, I didn't really know what was going on, and made a bowl of cereal.. :( ugh, but I'm doing good today. Had nothing except two cups of tea. Tea fills ya up, surprisingly.
So, nothing planned for the week now, one of my mates has a free house so she invited a few up. She's kind of an idiot but the people she's inviting are cool. I will drink ha, until my heart's content, as always. And hopfully I'll have nothing in my stomach so won't actually have to drink that much. I can't be sober at something when everyone else is drunk!
K, going to have another smoke, watch tele, be lazy and wait for my mate so we can do a workout together :)
Wish me luck
x
It's always kind of auqward with his Da. My boyfriends Ma died when a few years ago so, i don't know, there's a lot of tension around his Da and his Da's wife.
Anyway, I came home and made a cup of tea and had a smoke. Sat in bed and watched iCarly haha, yes I know, but it's actually kind of funny! Something wrong with my stomach though, it's like acid or something, I don't know.
I fell asleep and woke up at like, three o clock, I don't know how i slept so long but i did. I weighed myself and I'm already 5 pounds lighter :)
Last night I went out to my boyfriend and his mate and we drove around. I'm always scared in the car with him because he actually drives sooo fast. Plus, he was stoned as well. And so I got stoned. I never really do anything like that (me and my boyfriend have had countless number of fights because he smokes so much weed) but because it was his last night, I decided to let it go and join him in on his stoner buzz ha. Wasn't that great, don't see the whole point in it, but anyway.
Went home, on the munchies, pretty stoned at this point to be honest, I didn't really know what was going on, and made a bowl of cereal.. :( ugh, but I'm doing good today. Had nothing except two cups of tea. Tea fills ya up, surprisingly.
So, nothing planned for the week now, one of my mates has a free house so she invited a few up. She's kind of an idiot but the people she's inviting are cool. I will drink ha, until my heart's content, as always. And hopfully I'll have nothing in my stomach so won't actually have to drink that much. I can't be sober at something when everyone else is drunk!
K, going to have another smoke, watch tele, be lazy and wait for my mate so we can do a workout together :)
Wish me luck
x
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
ok.. so here I am writing my first blog.. hope i keep to writing them coz i never keep to anything lol.
So i've decided to start blogging because I've read other people's and it's just inspired me to write my own. I love writing and I think it's a great way to unravel all of my thoughts without having to actually speak them. :) Hopefully I'll have some followers to follow me on my journey who can maybe relate to some aspects of my life. Hopefully I can inspire someone just like I have been inspired.
So, I've finished college about three weeks ago. I am now a qualified make up artist with no job ha.. pretty shit to be honest, but I'm probably going to have to get a job doing something other than make up artistry, for now anyway. I'm hoping to start nursing next year. i know, completely different path, but it interests me and I love helping people and all.. Make up artistry didn't really do it for me in that way.
I am now currently in my room, bored out of my mind, practically waiting on my boyfriend to call me lol. He's going away for three months tomorrow! I'm gonna freak out ha.
I wanted to write this to record my life, to have somewhere to write things, mostly to do with my eating disorder. I suffered with bulimia and anorexia for years. I went to counselling last year and kind of accepted myself. But I've let myself go out of control so, I'm back to where I started basically. I'm not thin, I'm 5'4 and weighed myself this morning (with so much bravery lol) and have slowly creeped back up to the unwanted 137 pounds. Wow, i know. Considering my height, i now look like a stump haha. So back on a diet I go, and up with the excercise.
I hate it because I haven't got much will power, I'm lazy and just love food too much. But i think the fact that my boyfriend won't see me for three months and I want to totally transform myself by the time he gets back, is motivation enough! Hopefully!
Today, I woke up at about 12 (remember, I am lazy) and did nothing. My mate came up for a while, then at about half one, i ate some cold chicken (was trying not to eat any carbs) and then did a half an hour workout. I took a shower, got dressed and all and brought my dog for half an hour walk. My boyfriend came up at about 4 and we went to his house for lunch. Ate a tuna sandwhich.. i had to. He knows all about my eating disorder and aaaalways forces me to eat. won't have to deal with that when he's gone :) so that's a good thing!
Came home and had chicken for dinner. Suppose i did ok, considering I never do ok ha.
Tomorrow, it properly starts!
My family don't really keep track of what i eat, we never eat dinner together or anything like that and I'm very rarely around them. So hiding this whole thing won't be hard :)
Reminds me, I have to ask my Ma if she'll transfer the insurance for me from her car to my boyfriends. He's giving it to me when he's gone. Yay! :)
Wish me luck with tomorrow :)
x
So i've decided to start blogging because I've read other people's and it's just inspired me to write my own. I love writing and I think it's a great way to unravel all of my thoughts without having to actually speak them. :) Hopefully I'll have some followers to follow me on my journey who can maybe relate to some aspects of my life. Hopefully I can inspire someone just like I have been inspired.
So, I've finished college about three weeks ago. I am now a qualified make up artist with no job ha.. pretty shit to be honest, but I'm probably going to have to get a job doing something other than make up artistry, for now anyway. I'm hoping to start nursing next year. i know, completely different path, but it interests me and I love helping people and all.. Make up artistry didn't really do it for me in that way.
I am now currently in my room, bored out of my mind, practically waiting on my boyfriend to call me lol. He's going away for three months tomorrow! I'm gonna freak out ha.
I wanted to write this to record my life, to have somewhere to write things, mostly to do with my eating disorder. I suffered with bulimia and anorexia for years. I went to counselling last year and kind of accepted myself. But I've let myself go out of control so, I'm back to where I started basically. I'm not thin, I'm 5'4 and weighed myself this morning (with so much bravery lol) and have slowly creeped back up to the unwanted 137 pounds. Wow, i know. Considering my height, i now look like a stump haha. So back on a diet I go, and up with the excercise.
I hate it because I haven't got much will power, I'm lazy and just love food too much. But i think the fact that my boyfriend won't see me for three months and I want to totally transform myself by the time he gets back, is motivation enough! Hopefully!
Today, I woke up at about 12 (remember, I am lazy) and did nothing. My mate came up for a while, then at about half one, i ate some cold chicken (was trying not to eat any carbs) and then did a half an hour workout. I took a shower, got dressed and all and brought my dog for half an hour walk. My boyfriend came up at about 4 and we went to his house for lunch. Ate a tuna sandwhich.. i had to. He knows all about my eating disorder and aaaalways forces me to eat. won't have to deal with that when he's gone :) so that's a good thing!
Came home and had chicken for dinner. Suppose i did ok, considering I never do ok ha.
Tomorrow, it properly starts!
My family don't really keep track of what i eat, we never eat dinner together or anything like that and I'm very rarely around them. So hiding this whole thing won't be hard :)
Reminds me, I have to ask my Ma if she'll transfer the insurance for me from her car to my boyfriends. He's giving it to me when he's gone. Yay! :)
Wish me luck with tomorrow :)
x
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